As If Who Never Existed?
by Mrs. Margarita
Summary: When Edward's initial plan for Bella to have a "normal" life without him isn't working, fate steps in and offers her a chance to really live in blissful ignorance. Rated M for possible future sexual content and/or language slipups.
1. Chapter 1: Bella Klutz Swan

**Author's Note: **

**Normally my author's notes will not be nearly this lengthy. However, with this being the first chapter of my story, I have a few things to get out of the way. **

**The main lynchpin of this story is based on something that is medically unlikely, at best. If that sort of thing gets your undies in a twist, please feel free to pass by. If you think you can, suspend your disbelief and see where the story goes. I needed to set a few things up in the beginning, and this was the most logical way. **

**The first couple chapters of this story will be probably be fairly short. Once we get into the rhythm of the story, I promise they'll get longer.**

**I happily welcome any and all criticism and comments; I wouldn't be a very good writer if I didn't. I tend to have a problem with comma vomit, so let me know if it starts to freak you out. I can't blame you if you just lurk, though. I've definitely been doing that for quite a few months. **

**And we're off!**

***I do not own any of these characters or the initial part of this storyline. Stephenie Meyer created some very fun playthings for me, is all.***

Chapter One: Bella "Klutz" Swan

I rolled out of bed, glumly anticipating the start of yet another godforsaken school day. I could hear Charlie pacing around downstairs, obviously waiting to make sure I got up and went to school. I had really tried hard these past few weeks to make myself engage a little more. But honestly, acting like a normal human being was becoming harder and harder for me.

I knew eventually the gaping wide hole in my center would begin to shrink, or heal, or something. Unfortunately for me, it might be a very eventual process.

Once I had showered, dressed, and eaten, I left for school. I did any and everything I could nowadays to avoid free time like the plague. Rule number one in Bella's post-Edward handbook: idle hands are a sure sign that the gaping hole in my chest will expand and swallow me whole. So, I took up tutoring kids before school. I wanted so badly to do nothing but grieve and ache, but I knew that Charlie would pull another stunt and force me to go back to Renee and Phil. And I just couldn't bear the thought.

One of the kids I was tutoring, Erica, met me at the doorway with some question about a math assignment, and I blissfully gave myself over to the mundane task.

******************

Gym. I'd be lying if I said I hate it. I absolutely loathe the thought of being in front of twenty people while doing anything remotely resembling physical activity. Charlie and Renee should've just skipped the Marie and substituted "Klutz."

And, luckily for me, we were playing hockey today. Complete with roller blades but lacking full-body padding, which I desperately needed. Hopefully someone would get hurt, and soon, and this torture would end early.

Jessica was weaving around on her roller blades, trying unsuccessfully to impress Mike. Mike snickered at me, then rolled his eyes and started warming up with the puck. And that's when it happened. I was trying to move past the group of girls standing between us so I could get the puck from Mike. It was more than likely a maneuver I shouldn't have attempted in the first place.

Right as I was crossing in front of them, Tyler zoomed in from the other side, probably heading for Mike as well. He failed to see Bella Klutz Swan however, and we crashed and burned. Well, more like he regained his balance, while I lost all traces of equilibrium, tangled my legs and flopped to the floor. On my head. Without a helmet. I saw stars, then black, but not before I could think, "Great; now he'll be asking to take me out again."


	2. Chapter 2: Do I Even Have a Dog?

***I do not own any of these characters or the initial part of this storyline. Stephenie Meyer created some very fun playthings for me, is all.***

Chapter Two: Do I Even Have a Dog?

This had to be an eclipse or something. I couldn't see any light, but I definitely heard lots of people around me. Groggily, frowning at the sharp pain in the back of my head, I opened my eyes. Big mistake. My head hurt worse, my eyes were burning, and everyone was looking at me like someone ran over my dog. Do I even have a dog? No, I'm pretty sure I don't have a dog.

"Is Charlie okay?" I managed to stutter out. That had to be it. No other reason for them to be looking that way.

"Oh God, this is twice. How can I possibly have endangered someone's life like this twice? Bella, I'm so so so sorry!"

That sounded like Tyler. Great. Told you he'd be asking me out on a pity date again.

At that point, our gym teacher intervened and helped me sit up. "Miss Swan, are you okay? You gave us a pretty big scare there."

"I think I'm okay. I mean, what happened?" I was hoping she didn't make me open my eyes again anytime soon.

"Tyler accidentally ran into you, causing you to lose your balance. You blacked out after you fell. It's been a little over five minutes. I went ahead and called the ambulance," she told me, gently rubbing my back and supporting the back of my head a little with her hand. That felt better. "I need you to answer a few questions for me, okay? What day is today?"

"Monday?" It came out as a question, since I wasn't entirely sure why she was asking me this. I mean, it was the last class of the day. Surely if she didn't know by now, it was kind of irrelevant.

"Very good, Bella. Can you name off a few people you know and tell me how you know them?"

"Umm… Charlie's my dad. I'm in class with Mike, Angela, Jessica, and Tyler. I miss my friends that moved away: Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme," I finished. I really did miss Alice. I barely noticed, but Angela took a sharp breath when I listed off the Cullens. That was kind of odd. Maybe she was jealous of how close I'd been with Alice?

"Okay, Bella. Did you want to mention anyone else?" Angela asked gently, almost prodding.

"Who else could I mention? Other than the people I listed, I barely know anyone here. Maybe Billy and Jake, Charlie's best friend and his son," I said, wondering if maybe I should be remembering someone else. The way she asked almost made me feel like I was forgetting a kid brother I had or something.

"All right, Bella. Just breathe. The ambulance will be here soon, and they'll be able to make sure you're okay," our teacher continued rubbing my back, and I tried to close my eyes to shield the bright lights and pitiful glances I was getting from my classmates.


	3. Chapter 3: A Hint of Motor Oil

**Okay, yes. I understand that retrograde amnesia of this magnitude is highly unlikely. Selective retrograde amnesia that makes Bella forget Edward Cullen ever existed is even less likely. Like I said, folks: I've got a plot point to serve here. **

**Also, before all you team Edward fanatics freak out on me, I'm not necessarily making this a story about Bella and Jake's happily ever after. I won't give away much more than that, but hang in there. Depressedward may or may not make an appearance in the next several chapters somewhere. Bella may or may not choose to give the self-righteous tard a chance. **

**Last side note, then I'm done. This chapter is almost 1,100 words, so I'm doing better on the length thing. Told you I'd try!**

***I do not own any of these characters or the initial part of this storyline. Stephenie Meyer created some very fun playthings for me, is all.***

Chapter Three: A Hint of Motor Oil

"Well, of course I'm going to try to find Alice. I still can't figure out why no one told me where they were going in the first place," I huffily explained, for the fifteenth time, to Jake. He rolled his eyes and rubbed the back of his head.

"Bells, they kind of left you high and dry. What kind of friends don't even leave a telephone number to contact them by?" This line of conversation was really starting to get on my nerves, but it was one that I brought up around Jake frequently. I had been hanging out with Jake a lot since the accident at school, just clowning around and helping him work on his Rabbit. Well, helping might be too strong a word. I was really just observing while he did all the hard labor.

"Surely it was an oversight. Maybe Carlisle had an emergency at the new hospital that meant they had to leave sooner than they thought," I said, good-friend Bella in full swing. I normally wouldn't make excuses for people, but Alice wouldn't have left me without a way to contact her without a good reason. I mean, I didn't even have a picture of any of them. Surely she'd meant to come back or meant for me to come visit.

Jake just shrugged his shoulders and put down the wrench he'd been using. He took a drag from his soda then slumped onto the beat-up couch with me, draping an arm around my shoulders. "Bells, I'm saying this for a reason. I know you and Alice were good friends. If she wants to keep in touch, none of your contact information has changed," he pointed out, ever the voice of reason. I sighed heavily. I knew he was right, but it kind of hurt that none of them had even bothered to call me. Leaning my head against his chest, I wrapped an arm around his torso and breathed in deeply. My best friend certainly smelled like what home had become these past few weeks – musky, woodsy Jake with a hint of motor oil.

We sat like that for a few minutes – Jake's arm pulling me closer and my eyes fluttering closed. When I was able to push aside the distraction of Jake's warm, comforting body cradling me, I remembered what I'd been intending to ask him.

"Do you want to come see a movie with me this weekend?" I asked, hoping he'd agree. I'd wanted to go see the new one about the Mayan doomsday prophecy, but I couldn't quite make myself go on my own. Something told me that having my best friend with me would ease my fears about watching the end of the world as we know it. And maybe I could use him as a giant shield against the scarier parts of the movie.

"Sure. Did you have one in mind?"

"I was kind of hoping to see '2012'," I conceded, knowing it wasn't really up Jake's alley. Generally, he enjoyed movies with less defined plot lines but many more jokes and gags. Since I'd gone to watch some ridiculous National Lampoon's marathon with him last weekend at his friend's house, surely he could suffer through one movie for me. I put on a pouty face and looked up at him to judge his reaction. It didn't look like Jake had been paying much attention to my suggestion, however.

Jake's eyes were locked to mine. His hand moved up to caress the side of my face, and he leaned in slowly, watching me the whole time. Just when I thought he might go for my lips, he changed course ever so slightly and gently kissed my cheek. When he pulled back, I looked at my best friend wonderingly.

"Did you want to kiss me?" I asked softly.

"Bells, I did kiss you," he rolled his eyes, playful Jake back again.

"No, I mean, _kiss me_, kiss me," I explained hesitantly. It was the first time I'd seen Jake blush as he sheepishly nodded his head. That was all the encouragement I needed. I folded my legs underneath me and leaned up to Jake's eye level. My lips pressed against his warm, soft mouth and I pulled him toward me. He tasted nice, a mixture of the soda we were sharing and the chocolate candies he'd been munching on. I think chocolate would probably be a new favorite of mine. His arms snaked around my torso, gently rubbing my back while I slowly, hesitantly, let my tongue ghost over his lips and pressed my mouth to his again for a last peck before I pulled back.

It was like this was the first time I'd really looked at Jake. I noticed the way his tousled hair was a shiny raven black that I wanted to curl my fingers into, the way his eyes were expressive in their chocolate depths whenever they looked at me. I realized that Jake was growing up, and fast. His musculature was quickly becoming that of a 25 year-old man instead of a teenage boy. I fought the urge to giggle when I realized that his hands were literally three times the size of mine, and I had grown to love the buildup of grease and Rabbit gunk under his fingernails. His face was still somewhat soft and boyish, but the rest of my Jake had turned into all man, seemingly overnight.

When I noticed that he was nervously looking down at where our hands had joined, I felt a twinge of something deep in my chest. Was he rejecting me? Did he not want me to kiss him? Why was this pseudo-rejection a familiar feeling? "Jake, I'm sorry, I just thought…"

"No, Bells, don't apologize for that. That was – I mean – wow," he stumbled over his words. Jake was pretty cute this way, tongue-tied and nervously rubbing circles on my palms with his thumbs. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad to know that Jake had wanted me to kiss him. The twinge immediately disappeared from my chest.

"Yeah," I grinned. I sheepishly looked down to our joined hands and watched Jake's hand reach up to my chin. He pulled my face back up to look at his, and we shared a smile.

"So, a movie this weekend, huh? Is that a date?" he asked with a smirk.

"Sure, sure," I said, mimicking his habit. He brushed my hair behind my ear, and pulled me to his chest, where I snuggled in under his chin.


	4. Chapter 4: He Who?

**I *think* I have a poll up – if you want to help me figure out the plotline of this story, please go take it! I need a little dose of someone else's insight. **

**Also, just a warning: this chapter contains some strong language. **

***I do not own any of these characters or the initial part of this storyline. Stephenie Meyer created some very fun playthings for me, is all.***

Chapter Four: He Who?

The next few weeks passed quickly, with Jake and me basically behaving the same as we always had. I'd head over to his place after school and "help" with the Rabbit, or he'd meet me at Charlie's and we'd spend the afternoon working on homework and watching goofy TV shows. We kissed more, but otherwise, we were Bella and Jake the same way we'd always been.

Charlie and Billy were, of course, beside themselves with excitement about Jake and me. I laughed when I thought of how unconcerned they were about us being around each other all the time – most teenage girls I knew couldn't hang out with their boyfriend without parents in the house with them, whereas Charlie and Billy still took their fishing trips and left us completely alone.

At unexpected times, I'd get a strange twinge in my chest, but Jake would make me laugh or hug me and it would go away. It happened the first bright, sunny day Jake met me after school in the parking lot, and again when I cut myself in the garage accidentally and Jake helped me bandage it up.

I knew eventually, though, things would get a little tougher for Jake and me. No one has a picture-perfect relationship, and sure enough, three weeks after our first kiss, Jake and I were knee-deep in our first fight.

"Oh geez, Jake, would you just come off it? I work with Mike, my truck broke down, and he drove me home. End of story," I firmly finished, hopefully letting Jake know this subject was closed for discussion.

"Bells, I know. I just really don't like the guy. He obviously has a huge crush on you. Why didn't you just call me to come get you? I wouldn't have minded."

"Because, Jake, it was a long way for you to drive. Mike was already there. I really don't know why you're letting this get to you so badly."

"Well maybe it's because I don't like other guys driving my girlfriend around in their vehicles that are big enough to practically be a bedroom!" By this point, Jake's voice was shaking, and he was shouting so loudly I had to hold the phone away from my head.

"Is that seriously what this is about, Jake? I really can't handle you going all caveman on me," I was seething mad, but trying to calm my voice. This was an absolutely ridiculous discussion, and I was planning to hang up the phone if it didn't make an abrupt 180.

"Damn it, Bells, yes. That's what this is about. You don't understand the way that creep looks at you – like you're something to eat. It reminds me of – of…" Jake's voice broke off, and I swore I heard something get smashed in the background. He _growled_ loudly, and then all I could hear was a dial tone. He growled? Yeah, that's definitely what I heard. I was seriously thinking I should just chalk the whole conversation up to a bad lunch that contained hallucinogens or some other illegal contraband.

Half an hour later, Charlie arrived home with the pizza he'd picked up. After my fight with Jake, I just didn't feel like eating much or cooking at all. Charlie understood, and he didn't say much when I took my piece up to my bedroom and worked on homework sullenly.

I suffered through what felt like fifty pages of calculus homework, and then really didn't have much to do. I usually finished everything else in class or at lunch.

By two hours after Jake hung up on me, I started to feel kind of sorry for our fight. If I'd just called Jake instead of letting Mike drive me, we wouldn't have even had a reason to be upset. I swiftly got off the "what if" train though, realizing that a coworker giving me a ride home from work because my truck wouldn't start was seriously not a reason for a screaming match. I thought about calling Jake, but I wanted him to be the first one to apologize. The whole escalation of the situation had been his fault, anyway.

I finally got undressed and climbed into bed, hoping that Jake would call tomorrow and feel somewhat remorseful for how he'd acted.

************

The next morning, Charlie and I drove out to Newton's in order to check on my truck. It was a glorious Saturday, without a single cloud in the sky. According to Charlie, my truck probably just needed a new battery, so we drove over to the auto parts store and picked one up.

That was indeed the extent of the truck's malfunction, so I was able to drive my own vehicle back to the house, followed by Charlie, of course. When we arrived at the house, it was nearly noon. I started to feel a little uneasy, figuring Jake would've at least called to say something by this point.

So when I got upstairs to my room, I quickly dialed the Blacks' number and listened for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Billy. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, Bella. How are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess. Is Jake around?"

"He's umm… he's sick, Bella. Kind of came down with something last night. I'll have him call you when he's feeling better. Tell Charlie I said hello," with that, Billy hung up the phone. Sick? Jake had felt fine yesterday. Well, fine enough to yell at me over something completely trivial, anyway. And I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but the way Billy hesitated before saying he was sick made me a little nervous.

I gave Jake 24 hours to call me back. If he didn't call me by tomorrow afternoon, I was going to head down to La Push to get my apology in person.

***********

First thing Sunday afternoon, I was on my way to La Push. Jake hadn't called. After yesterday's conversation with a rather reticent Billy, I figured showing up was probably my best chance to see Jake. When I turned the corner to Jake's street and parked my truck in front of his house, I noticed a curtain in his bedroom being closed. So Jake was up and about after all. Well, he had another thing coming if he thought he could hide from me after behaving like a Cro-Magnon.

I marched straight up to the front door and pounded on the door. Hell hath no fury and all that. When it opened to reveal a very startled Billy, I pounced on the opportunity and slid by him down the hall to Jake's room. I slung the door wide open, expecting to see Jake in bed reading or doing homework or something, but I found him crouched in the corner, burying his face in his hands.

"Jake, are you okay?" I asked gently, starting to move across the room toward him.

"Stay where you are, Bella. I don't want you to see me this way. Please leave," the last word sounded broken when it came from Jake's mouth. He was trembling, obviously upset over something.

"What do you mean? I'm not upset about our fight. Okay, maybe I am a little upset, but it'll be okay, Jake, I promise. Please look at me," I don't know why, but Jake sounding broken and telling me to leave was completely killing me inside. That twinge was back.

"I'm no good for you, Bells. You deserve someone normal. I can't keep seeing you," he nearly sobbed the last few words out, and I broke down. Something about the way he was phrasing this was making my chest ache and feel like a hole was gaping wide in the center of my very core. I curled into a ball and started rocking myself gently.

"What the hell are you doing? Why are you crying? I'm the one that's fucked up!" Jake was spitting the words at me, and he had removed himself from his crouched position in the corner. He paced toward where I was in the floor, looking torn between holding me and yelling at me some more.

"I… I don't know, Jake. Please don't leave me," I finished sadly, feeling the tears stream down my face. "What do you mean I 'deserve someone normal'? You're normal!" I was shouting too by this point, hoping I could shout some sense into him, I guess.

"I'm not normal, Bells. I'll never be normal. And it's all because of those lowlife _Cullens_ that you decided to love."

"Don't call them lowlifes, Jake! They loved me, too!" What on earth was he talking about? I mean, he didn't believe all the things his dad said about the Cullens and the treaty and all that. So why on earth would he be calling them lowlifes? And they weren't lowlifes. They were good people… well, good vampires, anyway.

"What the hell, Bella? They leave you for dead and don't even care enough to check on you, while everyone here is absolutely worried sick for you. You curled up into a ball, just like you're doing now, and you cried for weeks on end and you… you died inside, Bella! Do you have any idea how hard that was for us to watch? And all because he left you!"

"He who? What are you talking about, Jake?"

At that point, I covered my ears against a loud roar. I swear it sounded like Jake made that sound. When I managed to look up, a gargantuan russet wolf towered over me, breathing heavily in my face and growling. I cringed back, and watched as the wolf's eyes went soft, and he curled into a fetal position. As I approached, trembling, something happened that made me feel like I was going completely insane. Bonkers. Certifiable, even.

The wolf _morphed_ back into a human being. It changed back into my best friend, my boyfriend, my favorite person on the planet. And I passed out.


End file.
